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- Home - The Onion
Unlock ‘The Onion’ Vault Journey through 268 years of highly acclaimed, universally revered reporting The Onion‘s archives comprise the most powerful and influential news coverage in human history
- June 2025 Best Sellers - The Onion
The Onion’s Bestseller List Featured below are the month’s most popular books Our determinations are based on data collected from chain bookstores, independent retailers, and the illegally acquired personal information of private citizens
- Pete Hegseth Blows Into Breathalyzer To Unlock Phone - The Onion
WASHINGTON—Grumbling to himself as he repeatedly dropped the device, U S Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth was reportedly blowing into a Breathalyzer Thursday in an attempt to unlock his phone “Stupid fucking judge made me put this on my iPhone,” said the head of the nation’s largest government agency, snapping his fingers to get the attention […]
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Unlock ‘The Onion’ Vault Journey through 268 years of highly acclaimed, universally revered reporting The Onion‘s archives comprise the most powerful and influential news coverage in human history
- Star BYU Player Suspended After Testing Positive For Coffee
PROVO, UT—In a crushing blow to the team’s hopes of winning the NCAA men’s tournament, star Brigham Young University player Mihailo Boskovic was reportedly suspended Tuesday after testing positive for coffee “Upon detecting the illicit substance on Boskovic’s breath before a game, we ordered an immediate test and confirmed the presence of performance-enhancing hot drinks […]
- Opinion Archives - The Onion
The Onion's opinion section features satirical commentary on various topics, offering humorous and thought-provoking perspectives
- About Us - The Onion
The Onion is the world’s leading news publication, offering highly acclaimed, universally revered coverage of breaking national, international, and local news events Rising from its humble beginnings as a print newspaper in 1756, The Onion now enjoys a daily readership of 4 3 trillion and has grown into the single most powerful and
- Trump Outlines Bold Vision For Golden Age Of China - The Onion
WASHINGTON—Promising a glorious future marked by limitless prosperity for the East Asian nation, President Donald Trump outlined a bold vision Tuesday night for a golden age of China “Under my leadership, a prosperous new era of Chinese dominance will begin, the likes of which have never been seen before,” Trump said in an address to […]
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